Improved Communication Promotes Healthier Relationships
by Brooke Shigley
Communication is a key component to overall happiness, and to promote healthier relationships, personally and professionally. It allows us to understand others more accurately, to be able to express feelings without fear or judgment, and it removes frustrations and guessing, thus building trust and stronger bonds.
Here are a few ways to improve your communication skills and promote healthier relationships:
In-person communication versus texting.
When it comes to a serious discussion in any relationship, ditch the message apps, and meet in person or make a phone call. You will thank yourself later. There really isn’t much worse a form of communication than texting. In your mind, you may be thinking last night’s text conversation went great. You expressed excitement for your new job offer and followed that with worries that taking a long-distance job would be difficult for your relationship. Things seemed to flow nicely in the conversation, he was happy for you, you both were on the same page. The following day he hasn’t answered your texts and his buddy is asking what’s going on between you two. Wait. What just happened? You’re wondering what you said wrong. He’s thinking your words meant you had a change of heart. Both of you are left confused and frustrated, and all because of a misconstrued text. I cannot stress this enough, save yourself the madness of trying to hash things out through text messages and have those conversations in person instead. Texts are easily misinterpreted and misunderstood because they lack tone and emotion, and should be saved for small talk. There is a lot of guessing that goes into text messages, and the last thing anyone wants during a deep discussion is for something important to be read with wrong intentions.
Listen to each other.
If you aren’t investing in the people you care about, it’s time you start. Relationships of any kind take energy and effort. If someone is going the extra mile to learn about you, one of the most impactful ways to show you care is to really listen and absorb their words. Hear their thoughts, feelings, fears, and desires. A friend who listens intently usually remembers key things most important to the other.
Another thing to remember is that communication shouldn’t be treated like a debate. You aren’t two opposing teams going neck and neck against each other. Some of the worst conversations I’ve experienced is when people are on the defense, rather than listening to my view. A discussion can only happen if there’s a point where all parties pause, listen, absorb, collect, then speak. Therefore, don’t prepare your next talking point while the other person speaks and don’t pre-determine the end outcome ahead of listening to their views.
- Pause.
- Listen intently.
- Absorb what they just said.
- Collect your thoughts.
- Then speak thoughtfully and rationally.
Try to be understanding.
How many times has someone said to you, “you aren’t understanding what I’m saying” or “you’re not listening to me”? It is quite possibly true that you aren’t doing one or the other, or both. It could even be that you have already made your mind up that they are in the wrong and you are in the right. Now, I did just experience 2016 to 2020 like the rest of you, therefore, I would be flat out lying if I said it’s not ok to disagree and that there is always a resolve. That’s just not reality, however, we don’t always understand people’s intent. I guess what I’m trying to say is, it is my hope that others think well of me, and I expect they want the same reciprocated.
If we want to improve our communication skills, it’s important to take the extra steps to understand, even in disagreements. Some healthy tactics are to ask thoughtful questions and to say “I am not understanding what you mean” rather than making assumptions on intention, especially after the other party says you are misunderstanding them. It’s better to end a discussion just not understanding one another than to harbor harsh feelings on what might not be true.
Self-reflection and growth.
If you take back one thing from what you’ve read today, let it be this: Healthier relationships come from individuals who look within themselves and work on how they treat others. They listen intently to big and small matters, they take extra strides to understand others, they ask and accept constructive criticism, and they take action to change the things about themselves that have proven to hinder communication. Continue to improve your communication skills with the following helpful article and guide.
Communication Activity:
I want you to list out three relationships that are important to you (mom, sibling, friend, significant other, neighbor, coworker), leaving a block of space below each name.
Now, I want you to think of the last conversation you had with each of those individuals. Beneath their names, start writing some adjectives that describe how those conversations went. Were they deep? Funny? Awkward? Upsetting? Special?
Next, list out some of the reasons that made you think of those adjectives. Were there any take-backs you learned in those discussions that might be important to that specific individual? Were they really excited about something? Really upset about something?
Next, think about your part in that conversation. Did you listen intently enough to remember important aspects of the conversation? Did you respond in a way that showed you were listening and interested? Did you try to understand the individual? Did you collect your thoughts and respond thoughtfully and rationally? List out a few ways you could have communicated differently.
Lastly, now that you have practiced some self-reflection, it’s time to take action and grow in your communication skills. What steps are you going to take to improve on how you converse with those individuals next time?
